A great place to start in your journey toward healthy sexuality. This article includes a checklist to help you identify and explore the healthy sex principles and qualities you already have in play, as well as ones you’d like to acquire and develop further.
How we think about sex makes a difference in our ability to create and enjoy healthy sexual relationships.
In the early years of my career as a sex and relationship therapist, I gave workshops in which participants brainstormed positive qualities of sex. The ideas they shared impressed me so much so that for fun I designed and created a nightshirt that featured them written in a rainbow banner on the front. The nightshirt became a popular item at psychology conferences, especially for survivors of sexual abuse and others who wanted an easy way to replace old negative attitudes about sex with new positive ones. The selling point for the nightshirt was “Heal as you sleep.” While the nightshirt has come and gone, the qualities of healthy sex live on forever.
Learning about and cultivating these qualities can help you ensure that they are present in your sexual interactions. As you read the qualities below, identify which ones are present and true in your sexual relating and which ones you would like to cultivate and make stronger. If you identify qualities that are often lacking, you may want to concentrate on learning more about them and integrating these qualities into your lovemaking in the future.
Healthy sex is . . .
- having choice
- nurturing
- built on trust
- playful
- loving myself
- respectful
- being honest
- physically safe
- feeling ready
- caring
- warmth
- laughter
- socially responsible
- fun
- shared intimacy
- something I deserve
- being friends
- comfortable
- expressing love
- being equal partners
- mutually desired
- celebration
- feeling good
- honoring my pace
- sensual touches
- private
- arousing
- being patient
- relaxing
- open communication
- enjoyable
- satisfying
- good memories
- _______________ for me!
© Wendy Maltz, 2022
