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New Directions in Sex Therapy by Peggy Kleinplatz

Acclaimed Sex Therapy Textbook Features Chapter by Wendy Maltz

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics, Sexual Abuse Healing

Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz has just released the third edition of her award-winning book, New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives. It explores new and cutting-edge sex therapy approaches that address the needs of our increasingly diverse, multicultural population. This outstanding book includes many chapters on conventional sex therapy issues, dynamic healing approaches, and ground-breaking techniques written by highly acclaimed sexuality experts.

Wendy Maltz’s newly revised and updated chapter is entitled, “Sex Therapy with Survivors of Sexual Abuse.” It highlights the latest research on the sexual effects of sexual abuse and describes what approaches work best to address them. The chapter presents ten key strategies for sexual healing, includes descriptions of her relearning touch techniques, and provides a research-based understanding of why and how these strategies work to facilitate successful healing from the intimate repercussions of sexual abuse.

Tags: impact of sexual abuse, New Directions in Sex Therapy, Peggy Kleinplatz, relearning touch techniques, sex therapy, sex therapy approaches, sex therapy techniques, sex therapy textbook, Sex Therapy with Surviviors of Sexual Abuse, sexual healing, wendy maltz


What’s the Meaning of Sex?

Posted on August 22, 2023 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics, Reflections on Sex, Sex & Love

When I worked as a sex therapist, clients used to ask me lots of challenging questions about sex. For example, they would ask: When is someone ready to have sex for the first time? How much sex is too much sex? Why do some people desire sexual contact more than others?  I did my best to answer them directly, citing research and what I had gleaned through clinical experience. 

Yet, whenever people asked, What’s the meaning of sex?, my mind would go blank and then I’d fumble for an answer. I felt like I was being asked: What’s the meaning of life?  

A textbook answer might include something about sex being the fulfillment of natural biological drives for pleasure, procreation, and intimate relating. But I knew this was an inadequate response. Like life, sex is huge, varied, and ever-changing. During the course of our lives, we often experience sex as both good and bad, fulfilling as well as disappointing. Our society presents mixed messages about the meaning of sex—associating it with love, excitement, and health, as well as abuse, betrayal, and harm. 

Our sense of sex – how we define and describe it – evolves over time as our bodies mature and our life circumstances change. Sex can mean a lot at one point in our lives, and very little at another. Profound experiences of sexual connection and pleasure often expand how we feel about it. Because sex means something different to us at different times, it’s difficult to nail down an answer. Worse yet, how can anyone answer what sex means for someone else? 

When I did get it together to respond, I’d invariably turn the question back around, and ask my clients: What does sex mean to you?  On reflection, I realize that was the best answer I could give. When we explore what sex means to us personally, the act of inquiring stimulates our own thinking. Contemplation can lead to powerful insights that enhance our sexual awareness, enjoyment, and appreciation. 

Clients who explored what sex means to them would sometimes share important breakthroughs. A woman with infertility decided to expand her meaning of sex beyond procreation to give her sex life a new direction. A man who described himself as “addicted to sex” saw how his view of sex — as a drug and a way to feel powerful and medicate stress — was holding back his recovery and ability to experience sexual intimacy with a partner. Moving away from narrow, stagnant meanings of sex can help us move toward greater sexual health and happiness. 

About ten years ago, when I was in my mid-60s, I had an experience that drove home how significant sex was to me. Unexpected genetic testing revealed that I carry the BRCA 2 gene that increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer. My doctor said that with increased monitoring, I could safely keep my breasts, but she strongly suggested I have my ovaries removed. 

Unlike many other cancers, ovarian cancer is difficult to detect until it has progressed to a life-threatening stage. When it came down to removing my ovaries versus the high possibility of getting a killer cancer, the choice was easy. I quickly agreed to the operation. As a sexuality expert, I knew in the back of my mind that this action would decrease my natural hormones and likely diminish my desire for and enjoyment of sex. 

Several weeks later, as the attendants wheeled me into the operating room, I suddenly began to cry. Tears ran like rivers down my cheeks. My heart felt heavy and my breathing became rough. I hadn’t changed my mind about getting my ovaries removed. Instead, I became acutely aware of how much I valued my ovaries and, by extension, my sexuality. I “lost it” over not wanting to lose my sexuality. 

I realized that for me, sex means everything wonderful about being alive. I associate sex with sensation, excitement, pleasure, fun, caring, discovery, creativity, intimacy, fulfillment, peace, and joy. Sex connects me with youthfulness, nature, and the universe. I adore how sexual relating creates a private language, that strengthens relationship bonds, heals wounds, and reaffirms love. I was afraid that without sex, my world would become bleak—all black and white, with no color. 

Thankfully, my sexuality has endured sans ovaries. Sure, I experience changes in my drives and sensations. And my body continues to go through some subtle and not-so-subtle transformations. But to tell the truth, it’s hard to say how much relates to the surgery or other changes common and natural with aging.

Like many older adults, I’ve had to accept new sexual realities in myself and my partner. I’ve been learning to accommodate and make adjustments. Surprisingly, the meaning I continue to give sex – as aliveness, pleasure, and intimacy – helps me adapt to these changes. It invites me to think beyond specific body parts, behaviors, and functioning, and discover new ways to express sexual energy.

What does sex mean to you?  

How has your concept of sex changed over time?

In what ways does the meaning you give sex help or hinder your happiness?

© Copyright Wendy Maltz, all rights reserved. First published on HealthySex.com August 22, 2023.

Tags: meaning of sex, sex therapy, sexual behavior, sexual functioning, sexual pleasure, sexual relationships, what does sex mean to you?


My Body My Choice, drawing by Wendy Maltz

Are Abortion Bans Like Sexual Assault?

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics, Reflections on Sex, Sexual Abuse Healing

“You lose,” the heckler screamed from atop the cathedral steps at the marching women. “You have no choice. Your body is mine, and you’re having my baby.” That was the scene unfolding in front of the Old St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Manhattan days after the draft of the Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade was leaked. A man with a sneer on his face shouted over women who were protesting for the right to control their bodies; a right that had been guaranteed them half a century earlier. His energy sent chills up my spine. 

His taunts reminded me of a rapist. 

After forty years as a therapist working with sexual abuse survivors, and as a survivor myself, I know how sex offenders taunt, terrorize, and control their victims. The trauma and harm they inflict can persist for years, not just physically, but psychologically, socially, and sexually—impacting how we feel about ourselves and experience pleasure and intimacy with others.

Forced pregnancy is also traumatic and threatens to inflict similar damage. Like sexual abuse, it attacks a woman’s most private and personal self—her reproductive organs and sexuality—and her ability to exercise sovereignty over her own body. Abortion bans treat her as an object, not a whole person. Some new abortion restrictions are so hideously extreme they prevent women and girls from legally terminating pregnancies resulting from rape or incest, or that could cause serious health problems, or take their own lives. The removal of self-agency diminishes a person’s social standing and influence—as their personal dignity, integrity, and desires suddenly have no value.

Like sex abuse, abortion bans are not gender-neutral. A primary feature is the exercise of power and control over women and girls. New laws and restrictions target only females—and in large numbers. About one in three women have an abortion in their lifetime. One-third of teenage girls with unintended pregnancies rely on abortion to address their difficult circumstances. 

Men’s reproductive rights and sexual selves are not under assault. They are not being forced into healthcare decisions against their will. Imagine the uproar if men responsible for unwanted pregnancies were required to get a vasectomy. 

Not surprisingly, the most consequential actions restricting abortion rights have been spearheaded by men who appear to use the issue to gain power. Listen closely and you can hear them mask outright assaults on women through deceit and strategic manipulation. In his Supreme Court confirmation hearing (after deflecting accusations of sexual assault), Justice Brett Kavanaugh promised to honor settled law. Then, at the first opportunity, he joined conservative colleagues in overturning Roe. For years Senator Lindsay Graham claimed state governments should regulate abortions, only to abruptly switch his position and propose a national ban that would obliterate the reproductive rights of all women in America.

Perhaps the most tragic and damaging similarity between sexual abuse and abortion bans, is how victims are betrayed by other women. I’ve heard countless accounts of women aiding sex abusers by disregarding the needs of the victim, shielding the perpetrator from consequences, or even participating in the abuse. Instead of receiving support, some survivors of incest and rape are blamed for “bringing it on yourself.” Even mothers can be complicit by disbelieving a daughter’s report of sexual abuse by a family member and failing to protect her.

Women with unwanted pregnancies often endure similar victim-blaming with taunts from other women such as “You should have been more careful” and “You made your bed, now sleep in it!” Women who want abortions are called cruel names or offered unrealistic solutions, such as adoption, which many don’t want. The valid and intensely personal reasons for not wanting to continue a pregnancy are either discounted or dismissed. 

The sudden loss of bodily autonomy and choice is extremely upsetting. No wonder people are protesting in the streets and at the ballot boxes. Women who assumed choice was a given, are reporting strong visceral reactions of shock, fear, anger, hurt, sadness, helplessness, and confusion.

The traumatic impact of abortion bans is felt most intensely by women who currently need an abortion and can’t get one. Like a rabbit caught in a snare, they feel trapped and experience high anxiety and depression.  These feelings are compounded for women who survived sexual abuse and other traumatic events in which they experienced a loss of bodily autonomy.

Many men are also upset. They support female friends, lovers, and daughters, and realize this may be just the beginning of government control. Everyone suffers when human rights are denied.

The repercussions of forced pregnancy can affect a woman’s whole life—curtailing her educational, social, financial, and family plans. Abortion restrictions have been associated with short-term mental health problems, and other negative consequences, such as an increased likelihood of living in poverty, being tethered to an abusive partner, and developing serious medical concerns. And without safe abortion options, more women may seek unsafe abortions, a leading cause of maternal death.  

In the current debate over abortion rights, these sexual trauma-related repercussions are too important to overlook. 

So, what can people do to take care of themselves and fight back?  I know from counseling survivors of sex abuse and other assaults on bodily autonomy that empowerment is key to recovery. Here are some suggestions for how to take back power:

Realize you are not alone. A firm majority, over sixty percent, of Americans value choice and support abortion rights. Energize yourself by joining with others to support organizations and elect lawmakers who are actively fighting for your bodily autonomy and reproductive rights. 

Reject feelings of shame and blame. Be kind and caring towards yourself. You are not to blame for what’s happening. Responsibility for the present situation rests solely with judges, legislators, and others trying to impose their specific religious beliefs and prescriptions on our entire population. You are entitled to your own beliefs and decisions. You have basic rights to privacy, freedom, consent, respect, equality, sexual healthcare, and more.

Get support from sympathetic providers. If you are sexually active and at risk of unintended pregnancy, consult with medical professionals to select reliable birth control.  If you currently have an unwanted pregnancy, don’t delay, seek safe, legal options for getting help. Keep at it until you get the help you need. And explore ways to maintain the privacy of your decision and keep yourself safe.

Work as a team with your partner. New restrictions stress couple relationships. Turn towards each other, affirming your rights and sharing the responsibility for obtaining and using effective birth control. Consider permanent solutions, such as tubal ligation or vasectomy, if they are appropriate and desired. 

Be a survivor, not a victim. When a person is assaulted by an outside force, it’s easy to wind up identifying as a victim and sink into feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and hopeless.  But the victim role is a sure dead end. It’s far better to focus on how you can survive this assault and overcome its effects. 

Silence, secrecy, and shame maintain feelings of powerlessness. Now is the time to speak out, share your story, and not give up. Although it will take time to reestablish reproductive rights, positive change and healing are possible. 

Sexual relations and childbearing are two of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences a woman can know in her lifetime. But these joys are only possible when a woman has ownership of her own body, feels ready, and is filled with genuine desire. 

© Wendy Maltz, October 27, 2022, for HealthySex.com. Reflections on Sex, column #2. (rev. 8-14-2023)

Tags: abortion bans, blog column, Brett Kavanaugh, Lindsay Graham, Old St. Patrick's Cathedral, rape, Reflections on Sex, reproductive rights, Roe v Wade, sex abuse survivors, sexual assault, Supreme Court, wendy maltz


Tips for Improving Sex — Wendy on Dr. Moali’s Sexology Podcast

Posted on January 7, 2020 by Wendy Maltz - Media Interviews, Other Topics, Sexual Abuse Healing

Wendy Maltz recently had fun joining six other national sex experts on Dr. Nazanin Moali’s first of the new year Sexology Podcast (#158) entitled: “7 Ways to Upgrade Your Sex Life.”  Wendy and other experts took turns sharing their most treasured quick tip advice. So, with the stop watch on to a 4 minute limit, what did Wendy come up with? It’s the simple things that matter most. You can greatly enhance sexual experiences by learning how to make real eye contact, smile from your heart, and share caring touch.

CLICK HERE to listen in and learn more:

Tags: 7 Ways to Upgrade Your Sex Life, Dr. Nazanin Moali, eye contact, Sexology Podcast, smile, touch, wendy maltz


SimpleClarity.biz Features Wendy’s Lifestory

Posted on March 18, 2018 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics

When Wendy’s friend, Mary Clare Feighan, invited her to be interviewed for her new website, SimpleClarity.biz, she just couldn’t say no. Clare is a dynamic, caring person who has put together a program series that helps women inspire other women to succeed with their life dreams. Like other women featured in the “Conversations with Substance” video series, Wendy’s interview provides a candid, friendly, information-filled conversation that gets to the heart of her life’s work.  Wendy shares about the importance of integrity, determination, persistence, and self-care in following through with goals. To find out more, and even watch Wendy practice some daily yoga and smiling exercises, see “conversation teaser 2” at https://www.simpleclarity.biz.

Tags: Mary Clare Feighan, sex therapy, SimpleClarity.biz, smiling exercises, wendy maltz


“Sex, Chocolate, and Menopause” event 3-7-14 in Eugene

Posted on March 3, 2014 by Wendy Maltz - Events, Other Topics

What does good sex and good chocolate have in common? Come find out on Friday evening, March 7th when Wendy Maltz LCSW, DST, and other women’s health professionals discuss “Sex, Chocolate and Menopause” at the Eugene Yoga Center. The program will run from from 6:30-9pm at 3575 Donald Street, Eugene, OR 97405. You can enjoy chocolate and wine, shop for health and comfort products from local vendors and participate in a lively discussion with local women’s health professionals about how you can actually find joy in this time of transformation! For more information and to register call 541.520.8771 or visit: http://eugeneyoga.us/. Early registration is recommended.
SCM latest flyer (sm)

Tags: menopause, presentation, wendy maltz


Wendy to teach Sex Therapy at the University of Oregon

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics

Wendy Maltz LCSW, DST is pleased to announce that she has accepted the position of Adjunct Professor with the Couples and Family Therapy Graduate Program at the University of Oregon, in Eugene. She will teach a “Human Sexuality and Sex Therapy” class to be held Spring term 2012.


A Lively Talk on Being a Sex Therapist

Posted on June 9, 2009 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics

You are invited to listen to a fun talk that Wendy Maltz gave a few months ago to a large group of professional women in Eugene. Here she shares key concepts about ensuring healthy sexuality, overcoming common sexual problems, and welcoming life-affirming sexual passion and pleasure.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN to the presentation “What I Learned in Thirty Years as a Sex Therapist”.


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