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My Body My Choice, drawing by Wendy Maltz

Are Abortion Bans Like Sexual Assault?

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Other Topics, Reflections on Sex, Sexual Abuse Healing

“You lose,” the heckler screamed from atop the cathedral steps at the marching women. “You have no choice. Your body is mine, and you’re having my baby.” That was the scene unfolding in front of the Old St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Manhattan days after the draft of the Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade was leaked. A man with a sneer on his face shouted over women who were protesting for the right to control their bodies; a right that had been guaranteed them half a century earlier. His energy sent chills up my spine. 

His taunts reminded me of a rapist. 

After forty years as a therapist working with sexual abuse survivors, and as a survivor myself, I know how sex offenders taunt, terrorize, and control their victims. The trauma and harm they inflict can persist for years, not just physically, but psychologically, socially, and sexually—impacting how we feel about ourselves and experience pleasure and intimacy with others.

Forced pregnancy is also traumatic and threatens to inflict similar damage. Like sexual abuse, it attacks a woman’s most private and personal self—her reproductive organs and sexuality—and her ability to exercise sovereignty over her own body. Abortion bans treat her as an object, not a whole person. Some new abortion restrictions are so hideously extreme they prevent women and girls from legally terminating pregnancies resulting from rape or incest, or that could cause serious health problems, or take their own lives. The removal of self-agency diminishes a person’s social standing and influence—as their personal dignity, integrity, and desires suddenly have no value.

Like sex abuse, abortion bans are not gender-neutral. A primary feature is the exercise of power and control over women and girls. New laws and restrictions target only females—and in large numbers. About one in three women have an abortion in their lifetime. One-third of teenage girls with unintended pregnancies rely on abortion to address their difficult circumstances. 

Men’s reproductive rights and sexual selves are not under assault. They are not being forced into healthcare decisions against their will. Imagine the uproar if men responsible for unwanted pregnancies were required to get a vasectomy. 

Not surprisingly, the most consequential actions restricting abortion rights have been spearheaded by men who appear to use the issue to gain power. Listen closely and you can hear them mask outright assaults on women through deceit and strategic manipulation. In his Supreme Court confirmation hearing (after deflecting accusations of sexual assault), Justice Brett Kavanaugh promised to honor settled law. Then, at the first opportunity, he joined conservative colleagues in overturning Roe. For years Senator Lindsay Graham claimed state governments should regulate abortions, only to abruptly switch his position and propose a national ban that would obliterate the reproductive rights of all women in America.

Perhaps the most tragic and damaging similarity between sexual abuse and abortion bans, is how victims are betrayed by other women. I’ve heard countless accounts of women aiding sex abusers by disregarding the needs of the victim, shielding the perpetrator from consequences, or even participating in the abuse. Instead of receiving support, some survivors of incest and rape are blamed for “bringing it on yourself.” Even mothers can be complicit by disbelieving a daughter’s report of sexual abuse by a family member and failing to protect her.

Women with unwanted pregnancies often endure similar victim-blaming with taunts from other women such as “You should have been more careful” and “You made your bed, now sleep in it!” Women who want abortions are called cruel names or offered unrealistic solutions, such as adoption, which many don’t want. The valid and intensely personal reasons for not wanting to continue a pregnancy are either discounted or dismissed. 

The sudden loss of bodily autonomy and choice is extremely upsetting. No wonder people are protesting in the streets and at the ballot boxes. Women who assumed choice was a given, are reporting strong visceral reactions of shock, fear, anger, hurt, sadness, helplessness, and confusion.

The traumatic impact of abortion bans is felt most intensely by women who currently need an abortion and can’t get one. Like a rabbit caught in a snare, they feel trapped and experience high anxiety and depression.  These feelings are compounded for women who survived sexual abuse and other traumatic events in which they experienced a loss of bodily autonomy.

Many men are also upset. They support female friends, lovers, and daughters, and realize this may be just the beginning of government control. Everyone suffers when human rights are denied.

The repercussions of forced pregnancy can affect a woman’s whole life—curtailing her educational, social, financial, and family plans. Abortion restrictions have been associated with short-term mental health problems, and other negative consequences, such as an increased likelihood of living in poverty, being tethered to an abusive partner, and developing serious medical concerns. And without safe abortion options, more women may seek unsafe abortions, a leading cause of maternal death.  

In the current debate over abortion rights, these sexual trauma-related repercussions are too important to overlook. 

So, what can people do to take care of themselves and fight back?  I know from counseling survivors of sex abuse and other assaults on bodily autonomy that empowerment is key to recovery. Here are some suggestions for how to take back power:

Realize you are not alone. A firm majority, over sixty percent, of Americans value choice and support abortion rights. Energize yourself by joining with others to support organizations and elect lawmakers who are actively fighting for your bodily autonomy and reproductive rights. 

Reject feelings of shame and blame. Be kind and caring towards yourself. You are not to blame for what’s happening. Responsibility for the present situation rests solely with judges, legislators, and others trying to impose their specific religious beliefs and prescriptions on our entire population. You are entitled to your own beliefs and decisions. You have basic rights to privacy, freedom, consent, respect, equality, sexual healthcare, and more.

Get support from sympathetic providers. If you are sexually active and at risk of unintended pregnancy, consult with medical professionals to select reliable birth control.  If you currently have an unwanted pregnancy, don’t delay, seek safe, legal options for getting help. Keep at it until you get the help you need.

Work as a team with your partner. New restrictions stress couple relationships. Turn towards each other, affirming your rights and sharing the responsibility for obtaining and using effective birth control. Consider permanent solutions, such as tubal ligation or vasectomy, if they are appropriate and desired. 

Be a survivor, not a victim. When a person is assaulted by an outside force, it’s easy to wind up identifying as a victim and sink into feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and hopeless.  But the victim role is a sure dead end. It’s far better to focus on how you can survive this assault and overcome its effects. 

Silence, secrecy, and shame maintain feelings of powerlessness. Now is the time to speak out, share your story, and not give up. Although it will take time to reestablish reproductive rights, positive change and healing are possible. 

Sexual relations and childbearing are two of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences a woman can know in her lifetime. But these joys are only possible when a woman has ownership of her own body, feels ready, and is filled with genuine desire. 

© Wendy Maltz, October 27, 2022, for HealthySex.com. Reflections on Sex, column #2.

Tags: abortion bans, blog column, Brett Kavanaugh, Lindsay Graham, Old St. Patrick's Cathedral, rape, Reflections on Sex, reproductive rights, Roe v Wade, sex abuse survivors, sexual assault, Supreme Court, wendy maltz


Sex Advice for Seniors podcasters Peter Marriott and Suzanne Noble

Senior Sex Podcast on Love & Porn Concerns

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Media Interviews, Porn Problem Recovery, Sex & Love

Do older and younger people relate to porn in the same way? Is porn use always problematic or can it be positive? How are intimate partners impacted by a partner’s porn use? What happens when porn stashes are discovered before or after you die? These are the types of questions Wendy Maltz discusses and answers on Peter Marriott and Suzanne Noble’s internationally popular Sex Advice for Seniors podcast episode 17 entitled “Love and Porn.”

You can find out more about the topics covered in the podcast interview, and access it from our information page, here

Or go directly to listen to the interview on the Sex Advice for Seniors substack page, here

Tags: British podcast on senior sex, discovering a porn stash, ethical porn, intimate partners of porn users, Love and Porn, Peter Marriott, porn problems, Senior sex, Sex Advice for Seniors, Suzanne Noble, The Porn Trap, wendy maltz


WebMD: 5 Approaches to Sex Therapy

Posted on April 15, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Media Interviews, Sex & Love

Nearly half of adults in the US report experiencing sexual issues at some time in their lives. Sex therapy can help – but people have to know about it and seek it. Journalist Anndee Hochman has written an excellent feature story for WebMD Health & Sex entitled, “Good Sex: 5 Therapists Share 5 Approaches to a Healthy Sex Life.” (4-6-2022). She describes some basic principles and techniques common in sex therapy. The focus and strategies of therapists Marla Renee Steward, Juan Camarena, Emily Jamea, Alex Caroline Robboy, Wendy Maltz, and Lexx Brown James are presented with stories of real people getting help and finding solutions to sexual problems.

Find a summary of the article here

You can access the whole article, here

Tags: Alex Caroline Robboy, Anndee Hochman, Emily Jamea, Good sex, Health & Sex, Juan Camarena, Lexx Brown James, Marla Renee Steward, mindfulness, Sex Therapists, sex therapy approaches, WebMD article, wendy maltz


New HealthySex Website!

Posted on April 13, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Uncategorized

Welcome to the exciting new version of HealthySex.com! The site showcases the work of Wendy Maltz, a renowned sex and relationship expert who specializes in sexual abuse healing, porn problem recovery, sexual fantasies, and love-based sexuality.

This attractive site puts you in the driver’s seat of your own sex education. Explore our free materials, listen to engaging podcast interviews, watch healing videos, read articles on topics that interest you, download an educational poster, and more.

Wendy is extremely grateful to the talented team of individuals who helped her create this new site : Jack Wheeler of Blue Hat Design, Jennifer Andrews of Helios Creative, Leigh Anne Jasheway of Accidental Comic, Lily McAndrews/intern assistant, Evelyn Salinas/translation advisor, and Larry Maltz, Wendy’s partner extraordinaire.

Enjoy our offerings, have some fun, and spread the word . . .

Tags: Accidental Comic, Blue Hat Design, healing sexual fantasies, healthy sex, HealthySex, Helios Creative, intimacy-based sex, Jack Wheeler, Jennifer Andrews, Larry Maltz, Leigh Anne Jasheway, love, porn addiction recovery, porn problem recovery, sex, sex abuse recovery, sex and love, sex education, sex therapy, sexual abuse healing, sexual fantasies, understanding sexual fantasie, wendy maltz


A Curious Mind, A Sexy Subject

Posted on March 19, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Reflections on Sex

In this first issue of “Reflections on Sex,” Wendy explores the influences and experiences that led her into the brand new field of sex therapy.

I was born in 1950, two years after Dr. Alfred Kinsey published the first-ever report on human sexuality and three years before the first issue of Playboy magazine appeared. As a child, I had no clue that someday I would become a sex therapist and write several books on sexuality myself. 

Back then, the field of sex therapy didn’t even exist. Pioneer sex researchers Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson first coined the term in 1958 in a study proposal. They later defined “sex therapy” as a method for treating sexual problems in their groundbreaking best-seller, Human Sexual Inadequacy, in 1970. Reflecting on my life now, after having enjoyed a wonderful career as a sex educator and therapist for over four decades, I see that the signs of what I might become were all there. 

Tags: blog column, Masters & Johnson, Reflections on Sex, sex educator, sex therapist training, sex therapy, sexuality research, wendy maltz, what is sex?


“Healthy Intimacy After Abuse” with Elizabeth Smart, survivor (pt 2 of 2)

Posted on July 24, 2021 by Wendy Maltz - Sexual Abuse Healing

Part 2 of Wendy and Elizabeth’s honest, powerful conversation about “How to have healthy intimacy after abuse. (pt 2)” Elizabeth Smart is a nationally-recognized sexual abuse survivor and survivor advocate. In this segment we discuss effective ways to overcome challenges with touch, sexual enjoyment, and relationship closeness. This is Part 2 of a two part program available in audio and in transcript form at elizabethsmartfoundation.org. Elizabeth is outstanding in her healing strength, knowledge, compassion and commitment to helping others to heal.

LISTEN NOW on Apple podcasts

LISTEN NOW Spotify

LISTEN / READ NOW in transcript form at The Elizabeth Smart Foundation

 

Elizabeth Smart, The Elizabeth Smart Foundation

Tags: Elizabeth Smart, healing from sexual abuse, Healing Intimacy after Abuse, partners of sexual abuse victims, relearning touch, sexual abuse, sexual abuse healing, sexual problems, Smart Talks, Smart Talks Podcast, wendy maltz


El viaje para sanar la sexualidad – Now Available / AHORA disponible

Posted on June 21, 2021 by Wendy Maltz - Events, Sexual Abuse Healing

We are excited to announce that “El viaje para sanar la sexualidad: una guía para sobrevivientes de abuso sexual” the Spanish edition (HarperCollinsMéxico) of Wendy Maltz’s classic recovery book, “The Sexual Healing Journey” is now available for purchase in the USA, Mexico, and other countries, through major on-line booksellers in paperback and electronic versions.

_____

Nos complace anunciar la publicación de El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad: Una Guía para Sobrevivientes de Abuso Sexual, la traducción muy solicitada de la guía clásica de recuperación ampliamente estimada de Wendy Maltz, The Sexual Healing Journey.

Traducido con cuidado y sensibilidad para los sobrevivientes latinx, esta edición de HarperCollinsMéxico presenta un prólogo de bienvenida de Evelyn Salinas, así como una sección de recursos especiales.

Wendy Maltz lleva a los lectores paso a paso a través del proceso de recuperación, integrando consejos de expertos con ejercicios innovadores, técnicas probadas y relatos en primera persona de mujeres y hombres en cada etapa de la curación sexual.

Order Now!  Ordene Ahora!

Tags: El viaje para sanar la sexualiidad, HarperCollinsMéxico, sexual abuse recovery, sexual abuse survivors, sobrevivientes de abuso sexual, spanish edition of The Sexual Healing Journey, wendy maltz


Pre-Order Now Available for El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad!

Posted on May 17, 2021 by Wendy Maltz - Sexual Abuse Healing

We are delighted to report that El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad, the Spanish language edition of The Sexual Healing Journey, is now available for pre-ordering on Amazon. The official release date is June 8, 2021, but you can order now to receive it as soon as possible. CLICK HERE FOR LINK:

Nos complace informar que El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad, la edición en español de The Sexual Healing Journey, ya está disponible para preordenar en Amazon. La fecha de lanzamiento oficial es el 8 de junio de 2021, pero puede hacer su pedido ahora para recibirlo lo antes posible. HAGA CLIC AQUÍ PARA ENLACE:

Tags: El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad, sex and relationships, sexual abuse healing, sexual abuse recovery, sexual intimacy, sSpanish language edition, survivors of sexual abuse, The Sexual Healing Journey, wendy maltz


“Redux: Is Porn Wrong?” WBUR Interview with Wendy (Part 1)

Posted on March 28, 2021 by Wendy Maltz - Media Interviews, Porn Problem Recovery

WBUR public radio has re-featuring an interview Wendy did with Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond from 2016. Wendy responds to listener questions about pornography as a problem. A lively and deep discussion.

Here is the LINK.

Tags: Cheryl Strayed, Is Porn Wrong?, pornography recovery, pornorgraphy problems, Redux, Steve Almond, The Porn Trap, WBUR, wendy maltz


El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad coming April-May 2021! The Sexual Healing Journey in Spanish!

Posted on March 22, 2021 by Wendy Maltz - Sexual Abuse Healing

Mui emocionado! So excited! I’m happy to announce that HarperMexico is publishing my book, The Sexual Healing Journey, in a multiple-country Spanish language edition in April-May 2021. (Mexico, US, & Spain). I have received many requests for a Spanish edition over the years. I believe the #MeToo and #YoTambien movements have increased awareness of the tremendous need for quality sexual recovery resources in Spanish. I thank Evelyn Salinas, for writing a wonderful forward to the book, and Natasha Prosperi for her support and encouragement from the beginning. I look forward to sharing more information about El Viaje para Sanar la Sexualidad: Una Guía para Sobrevivientes de Abuso with you as soon as it is available. Here is an illustration of what the cover will look like…..and the whole jacket.

Tags: #MeToo, #YoTambien, El Viaje de Sanación Sexual, sexual recovery book in Spanish, Spanish edition, The Sexual Healing Journey, Una Guí para Sobrevivientes de Abuso, wendy maltz


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