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Love, Porn & Senior Sex

Love, Porn, & Senior Sex

Posted on October 21, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Porn Problem Recovery

When Suzanne Noble and Peter Marriott, co-hosts of the internationally popular British podcast, “Sex Advice for Seniors,” posted a video on their associated TikTok channel about how to identify a person who watches too much porn, they were shocked at the gigantic response. Over one million viewers replied to their comment section. Viewers shared stories about the damaging influence of porn in their relationships and lives, and asked lots of questions.

For help, they turned to Wendy Maltz, coauthor of The Porn Trap. Together they created a special podcast episode on love, porn, relationships, and senior sexuality. In it Wendy, Peter, and Suzanne have a thoughtful, witty and informative discussion. They provide insights and answers, and empower people of all ages to become more knowledgable about this highly-charged topic. You’re invited to have a listen.

Topics covered include:

  1. Do young people and older people relate to porn differently?
  2. Does porn impact everyone the same way?
  3. Is porn use always problematic or can it play a positive role in a relationship?
  4. What are the effects on an intimate partner?
  5. What role does deception play in causing problems?
  6. What happens when a person’s porn stash is discovered before, and even after they die?
  7. Is there such a thing as “ethical” or “morally positive” porn?
  8. Can porn use mask sex problems that can be dealt with in other ways?
  9. Why is it up to each individual to determine whether or not they have a problem with porn?
  10. What do you mean by the phrase, “the direction of your erection”?
  11. Why are self-awareness and good communication important when it comes to dealing with porn?

[The Sex Advice for Seniors podcast is published on Substack. This episode is #17 and is entitled, “Love and Porn” Running time: 39 minutes, 10-10-2022.]

Listen here


On Women’s Sexual Fantasies

Posted on July 5, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Understanding Sexual Fantasies

Sexual fantasy doesn’t have to be a scary or taboo topic. With knowledge and understanding, it becomes a rich resource for sexual enrichment, growth, and enjoyment. This classic radio interview is a great place to start learning.  Radio host Ilene Dillon speaks with Wendy Maltz, coauthor of Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women’s Sexual Fantasies. Together, these two seasoned therapists, use wisdom, humor, insight, and story-telling to examine women’s most intimate erotic thoughts. They approach the topic with lively, candid discussion, and reveal how sexual fantasies vary, what they mean, and how to troubleshoot problems with fantasies if they come up personally or with an intimate partner. 

Listen to this dynamic interview to find out: 

  1. How women’s sexual fantasies differ from men’s
  2. Some common reasons why people sexually fantasize
  3. How sexual fantasizing can reduce anxiety while boosting sexual arousal
  4. Productive ways to think about, define, and categorize sexual fantasies 
  5. Why sexual fantasies don’t always conform to one’s actual sexual orientation or identity 
  6. How sexual fantasies can reflect different feelings, such as fears, conflicts, as well as desires
  7. The differences between sensory-based fantasies and role-based fantasies
  8. Addressing problems with disturbing, unwanted, and controlling fantasies
  9. How to psychologically explore what a sexual fantasy might mean
  10. How past sexual abuse and other experiences impact sexual fantasies
  11. How sexual fantasy work can facilitate recovery from past hurts and abuse
  12. How to approach the topic of sexual fantasy with a partner
  13. Whether or not it’s a good idea to act out a fantasy
  14. The joys of feeling comfortable with sexual fantasies

To listen to this interview, click on the YouTube below:


Committing to a Personal Journey of Sexual Healing

Posted on May 31, 2022 by Lily McAndrews - Sexual Abuse Healing, Understanding Sexual Fantasies

What does it feel like to suffer the emotional and sexual repercussions of abuse? What does it take to make a long-term commitment to sexual health and healing? Nunaisi Ma, host of the international RISE Summits workshops, and Wendy Maltz provide answers in this penetrating discussion about the personal journey of sexual healing. With knowledge and ease, they speak frankly about the experience of being sexually abused and discuss repercussions, such as abuse-related sexual fantasies, not often revealed and addressed. 

Topics covered include:

  1. The importance of caring books and other resources that support survivors who are healing sexually.
  2. The vulnerability of being a child victim of sexual abuse.
  3. The insidious nature of abuse that was gentle and called “love.”
  4. Confusions from experiencing orgasm the first time during abuse.
  5. Feeling separate and disconnected from one’s own body.
  6. The repercussion of having troublesome sexual fantasies of abuse.
  7. The powerful techniques that can be used to heal abusive fantasies.
  8. The intimate betrayal of disclosing abuse as a child and not being believed.
  9. The strength and support it takes get away from an abuser and find safety.
  10. Societal messages and harmful influences that can get in the way of sexual healing.
  11. The importance of choosing a path towards sexual health and happiness. 
  12. The huge benefits of becoming sexually whole and comfortable in your own skin. 

Note: The section on abuse-related sexual fantasies and healing techniques happens in the first 15 minutes.

Watch and listen to this engaging conversation below:


Intimate Kisses Poetry Reading

Posted on May 6, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Sex & Love

Every day can be Valentine’s Day when you listen to sexual love poetry. In this cherished recording Wendy returns to KBOO Radio’s beloved Talking Earth Poetry Program for a lovely reading from her second highly-acclaimed anthology of sexual love poems, Intimate Kisses: The Poetry of Sexual Pleasure. This is a special episode to honor and celebrate Valentine’s Day.

The program begins with Barbara LaMorticella, host of Talking Earth, talking with Wendy about how she came to find poems, organize, and produce the collection. Wendy describes how the collection features poems from a diverse group of highly-esteemed contemporary and traditional poets, such as Nikki Giovanni, Marge Piercy, Rumi, Octavio Paz, and Galway Kinnell. They discuss the role of sexual fantasy and imagery in the poems and how the collection features many types of kisses from coffee-flavored kisses to moaning kisses to bones that kiss.

Abigail Albrecht Brandt and Patrick Mulrooney, two Oregon poets whose works are in the collection, join Wendy and Barbara in reading a diverse selection of poems that describe erotically hot and healthy sexual intimacy. This treasured reading is peppered with a sensitive discussion about sexual pleasure and the unique ability of poetry to capture the profound experience of love-making. 

The reading explores five areas of sexual pleasure. These five areas correspond with the five chapters in the book:

  1. Anticipation and desire — looking forward to sexual connection
  2. Self-awareness and discovery — learning about ourselves and our partner
  3. Admiration and appreciation — deepening awareness of sensual pleasure
  4. Union and ecstasy — experiencing a profound intimate connection
  5. Afterglow and remembrance — reflecting back on the shared joy

Listen to the Intimate Kisses Poetry Reading below:

This program was originally broadcast on Portland, Oregon’s KBOO radio in 2001.

Learn about Wendy’s first anthology, Passionate Hearts: The Poetry of Sexual Love.

Listen to Wendy’s other interview and poetry reading, the Passionate Hearts Poetry Reading, here


Passionate Hearts Poetry Reading

Posted on May 6, 2022 by Lily McAndrews - Sex & Love

What a treat! Grab your honey and have a listen. In this classic recording, Wendy and Larry Maltz join Barbara LaMorticella, host of the Talking Earth Poetry Program, for a sweet, romantic reading of poems from Wendy’s acclaimed anthology, Passionate Hearts: The Poetry of Sexual Love.

Wendy discusses how the lack of examples of love-based sex in the media motivated her to create this beautiful collection of poems by highly-acclaimed traditional and contemporary poets.

Wendy tells a story about how difficult it was to find a publisher willing to accept this anthology because, as it was explained to her in one of many rejection letters, books on sexual love poetry don’t fit into the publishing categories of being either “raunch” or “romance.” As luck would have it, things changed when one editor had an extremely gratifying personal experience after reading the manuscript on a whim while on a ski trip with her boyfriend.

Wendy and Barbara discuss why poetry is a powerful medium for describing sexual intimacy due to the natural rhythms and sensual images it relies on.

About 13 minutes into the recording Wendy and Larry begin a beautifully choreographed reading of selected poems from the collection. Their choices follow the five chapters in the book, which represent the stages of sexual love couples experience during the course of life:

  1. The “tender awakenings” of attraction and early sharing
  2. The “passionate pleasures” of creating sexual joy together
  3. The “varied dances” of sex in new circumstances
  4. The “deeper intimacies” of sex as life experiences change, and,
  5. The “graceful transformations” of sexual sharing later in life.

Listen to the poetry interview and reading below:

This program was originally broadcast on KBOO Radio in Portland, Oregon in 1996.

Note: Passionate Hearts went on to become an Amazon Bestseller in the Sex & Literature category. A ten-year anniversary edition of Passionate Hearts was released in 2007 with a special foreword by Barry McCarthy and a new cover (shown here).

Passionate Hearts paved the way for Wendy’s second anthology, Intimate Kisses: The Poetry of Sexual Pleasure. Listen to the Intimate Kisses Poetry Reading.


Sex Therapy Approaches to Good Sex

Posted on April 15, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Media Interviews, Sex & Love

Journalist Anndee Hochman provides helpful information about sex therapy in her excellent Web MD feature entitled, “Good Sex: 5 Therapists Share 5 Approaches to a Healthy Sex Life,” (WebMD Health & Sex, 4-6-2022). She presents the stories of real people getting help and finding solutions to sexual problems.

The article describes some therapeutic techniques and strategies employed by sexuality experts Marla Renee Steward, Juan Camarena, Emily Jamea, Alex Caroline Robboy, Wendy Maltz, and Lexx Brown James.

The healing strategies highlighted in the article include: increasing mutual understanding, improving comfort and stimulation techniques, being more patient, overcoming shame, utilizing mindfulness, building body awareness, tuning into sensation, bridging differences in desire, brief sensate focus exercises, relearning touch techniques, creativity, playfulness, working as a team, sex education, and self-empowerment.

You can access the whole article, here


Partners in Healing: Couples Overcoming the Sexual Repercussions of Incest

Posted on April 6, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Sexual Abuse Healing

This forty-three-minute videotape was produced in 1988 by Wendy Maltz, Steve Christiansen, and Gerald Joffee. It features three couples, one with a male survivor, discussing sexual healing. The video is understandably dated – Wendy looks like a teenager! – it still conveys the types of challenges couples face when a partner in a relationship was previously sexually abused. Confronting an abuser is discussed in the video. Please note that it is not always a good idea, so it is best to only consider such a move under the guidance of a trained therapist. This video is helpful for partners who want to understand the impact of abuse on their relationship and how they can work with the survivor to heal.

Praise for Partners in Healing

“Well done, interesting and compelling. . . high impact, but not sensationalized.”
–Joseph Lo Piccolo, Ph.D., University of Missouri Sexuality Program

“A well-organized program. The couples are articulate and address a variety of problems. Wendy is excellent. . . a clear, natural and caring presentation.”
–Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., author, For Yourself and For Each Other

“My clients have benefited greatly from exploring the issues so effectively raised by the video. Both therapists and clients will find the tape a valuable resource.”
–Eliana Gil, Ph.D., Outgrowing the Pain

*** Want to see demonstrations of the relearning touch techniques described in The Sexual Healing Journey? Watch Wendy’s follow-up video, “Relearning Touch: Healing Techniques for Couples,” here


Relearning Touch: Healing Techniques for Couples

Posted on April 6, 2022 by Jennifer Andrews - Featured, Sexual Abuse Healing

Produced by Wendy Maltz, Steve Christiansen, and Gerald Joffee. This forty-five minute video, moderated by Wendy Maltz, sensitively demonstrates the relearning touch techniques that are described in her groundbreaking book, The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse. The video was produced in 1995 and is an outstanding, time-tested treasure. It includes interviews with three couples who have used the techniques to improve communication, deepen emotional intimacy, and create positive sexual experiences. While the three couples featured are white heterosexuals, the exercises demonstrated have been utilized successfully for years by people of all races, nationalities, genders, and sexual orientations. And, although the video addresses the concerns of couples dealing with sexual abuse repercussions, many couples without sexual abuse histories have found the video and the techniques helpful for developing and improving sexual intimacy skills.

Praise for the Relearning Touch video

“As always, Wendy presents a view of sexual intimacy that is loving, healthy, safe, respectful and joyous. Her commentary is informative, reassuring and encouraging.”
–Ellen Bass, coauthor, The Courage to Heal

“Relearning Touch is a wonderful resource for clinicians and clients. It provides many specific exercises that couples and individuals can use to help restore their comfort in their sexuality. It has my highest recommendation.”
–Robert Schwarz, Ph.D., Director of the Institute for Advanced Clinical Training

“Wendy Maltz provides abuse survivors and their partners with clear, practical, and effective techniques that empower survivors to begin reclaiming their birthright of healthy, joyous sexuality.”
–Yvonne Dolan, M.A., Resolving Sexual Abuse

“Wendy Maltz has been a gift to a generation of survivors. Her gentle, helpful resources for reclaiming sexuality have helped many. This video is a great asset to clinicians and recovering people. Insightful, practical, useful, and well presented.”
–Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., C.A.S., The Meadows Institute, Out of the Shadows


Recursos de sanación de abuso sexual en español

Posted on April 6, 2022 by Wendy Maltz - Sexual Abuse Healing

Sex Abuse Healing Resources in Spanish

Artículos para sanar del abuso sexual

El viaje para sanar la sexualidad de acuerdo a la terapeuta Wendy Maltz. En Pareja por Yajaira Villarreal, artículo web,7-24-21, en español 

Hay mucha ignorancia sobre las causas de un abuso sexual; Wendy Maltz psicoterapeuta y autora de el libro ‘El Viaje Para Sanar la Sexualidad’, por Susana Zepeda. Vanguardia, Nacional, artículo web y PDF, 7-25-2021, en español 

Las tasas de abuso sexual son similares a nivel mundial desde hace 30 años: Wendy Maltz, por Dulce Olvera. Sinembargo.mx, artículo web, 7-24-21, en español

Sanar despu​és del abuso sexual, por Wendy Maltz

Libros para sanar del abuso sexual

El viaje para sanar la sexualidad:
una guía para sobrevivientes de abuso sexual,
por Wendy Maltz, prólogo de Evelyn Salinas

Pósters sobre sexualidad sana

Gráfica comparativa de la diferencia entre una relación sexual abusiva y una relación sexual sana.

¿Quál es tu mentalidad sexual? Tabla comparativa

Videos y audios para sanar del abuso sexual

Mensajes de apoyo para sobrevivientes de abuso sexual de Wendy
Video #1 y Video #2 en inglés con subtítulos en español

Entrevista a Wendy Maltz. Fátima López, Librerías Gandhi (Video en inglés con una introducción y subtítulos en español) 

Presentación del libro “El viaje para sanar la sexualidad”. Acompáñanos a conversar con Wendy Maltz, HarperCollinsFacebook, México. Con Lorena Olvera, Evelyn Salinas. 7-29-21 en español, (Facebook Live).

Entrevista a Wendy Maltz. Elena Arcila de SIPSE NEWS en México entrevista a Wendy sobre “El viaje para sanar la sexualidad” y analiza el grave problema del abuso sexual en México. 7-23-21, en español, (VIDEO)

Acompáñanos a conversar con Wendy Maltz sobre su libro “El viaje para sanar la sexualidad.” HarperCollinsMexico en vivo en Facebook, con Edgar Krauss (editor de HCM) y Alejandro Pulido Cayon (conductor de radio) grabado el 7-23-2021, en español, (VIDEO)

Acerca de Wendy Maltz

Wendy Maltz es una terapeuta sexual, educadora y autora internacionalmente reconocida con más de cuarenta años de experiencia como consejera. Es una experta destacada en sanación del abuso sexual, entendimiento de fantasías sexuales, superación de problemas causados por la pornografía, y desarrollo de habilidades para una sexualidad íntima y sana basada en el amor.

El sitio educativo de Wendy es www.HealthySex.com. Provee artículos, carteles, entrevistas y reflexiones que pueden asistir en la sanación y promueven la salud sexual. Varios videos reconocidos se pueden ver gratuitamente en su sitio HealthySex.com, incluyendo “Re-aprendiendo el contacto físico: Técnicas de sanación para parejas,” (Relearning Touch Techniques) que presenta ejercicios descritos en su libro “El viaje para sanar la sexualidad.”

Wendy se ha retirado de su práctica de terapia y orientación. Sin embargo se mantiene activa al dar entrevistas,  presentaciones ocasionales y mantener su sitio Healthysex en la red informática. Wendy recibió el premio Carnes en 2014, por su contribución en el campo de la recuperación sexual, presentado por la Sociedad para el Avance de la Salud Sexual.


What’s Your Sexual Mindset? A Comparison Chart

Posted on April 5, 2022 by Jennifer Andrews - Porn Problem Recovery, Sex & Love, Sexual Abuse Healing

When building a foundation for healthy sexuality it is important to start with healthy attitudes about sex. Many of us have been influenced by harmful messages about sex from our culture, media, and community that portray sex in terms of it being a commodity, a power trip or negative energy. Understanding how healthy sex differs from abusive and addictive sex can go a long way setting you on a forward course for healthy sex, pleasure and relationships

Free poster!

The following poster is free and easy to download with programs that read pdf files. You can download it in two sizes:

8 1/2″ x 11″ (standard letter size)

11″ x 17″ (tabloid poster size)

Feel free to make as many copies as you like and share them with others as you desire. They are designed as an educational tool and can be posted at home, work, or school settings.

To download, right-click on the link and select “Save to Desktop.”


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